Causing debate wherever I go...
Spent the day trying to find clothes for DBK. I have 3 -5 shows left to fix a wardrobe for and it is just not any fun at all. Everything is purple (which I love, but DAMN, give a girl another color!!). Lillen and I went round and round and friggin round NK for what seemed like an eternity until I just screamed ENOUGH and we stopped at a café and ate. I checked the clock. We had not even been there 2 hours. Found some nice stuff, though, one of which is...you guessed it, purple.
Before that though, I managed to get a new antibiotic, so this hangy, yucky feeling (that is not the least bit debilitating so that I would just stay home and rest, but crappy enough to make whatever you are doing feel hard) should finally go away. Was not really comfortable with the thought of an antibiotic not working, though. Am afraid of building a tolerance. Whatever, I should be back to my bitchy self by saturday.;-)
The latest debate:
Paul had a parent/teacher/student meeting today. It was booked to last 2 1/2 hours. 2 1/2 HOURS???? WHYYYYYYY????? I wondered. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, care about their education, want to be involved, but I usually end up just getting annoyed with the other parents who can be bigger crybabies than the kids sometimes.
For example, once I went to a meeting at Paul's old school. Their class got so big that they were forced to divide it into subgroups so that the student/teacher ratio would be lower. In my world, that is a good thing. Most of the kids had had the exact same group and friends since they were 6 yrs old. They would still meet up at gym, breaks and lunch, but during studytime, they would be separated. Who cares?? I thought. But 2 moms just went ballistic and insisted that the groups be exactly the same no matter the ratio because they wanted their kids to not have to build new relationships with other kids. The meeting got so out of control that it took 2 additional negotiations to sort it out. I just scratched my head and wondered why this had blown up like it had? Won't their kids just learn more social competance that way? Don't the parents care more about how active their kids are with the teachers instead of their friends? When I was their age, we had new friends, new teachers every year, sometimes every term. So anyway, this left a very bad taste in my mouth and I left the meeting thinking that I want my kids away from these students because their parents were idiots. There must be something I lost in translation, so I didn't say anything for fear I had missed some piece of the puzzle that would make my opinion seem rediculous, but I did speak with the teacher and told him I felt sorry for them because the students were nice, but the parents were childish idiots and what the heck did I miss in translation? "Nothing," he said. "We could have used your support. It was awful," he said.
That meeting had only lasted an hour. What damage would be done in 2 1/2???
Paul and I show up. His dad joins us. We get fika. The 13 year old girl could not figure out the change I should have gotten back. Fika costed 32:-, I gave her 50:-...was disturbing to say the least. In the end, I gave up and said just give me 15:- and we're cool. Geez...
The meeting went well. We got to know everyone. Had workshops to get to know students, as well as teachers (really good). The teacher introduced himself and said, "Oh yes, I saw you in DN." I replied jokingly, "Only believe half of what you read." He laughed. We moved on.
The meeting continued to be fruitful and interesting, but one question came up which intrigued me. The question was, Should one have weekly allowance (veckopeng) or a monthly one (månadspeng)? Everyone agreed that it didn't make a difference. I got confused and raised my hand:
"Excuse me. I have a question about this topic and I would like to know how this works. I might think differently due to cultural reasons or it could be the fact that I have never gotten a kronor in my entire life that I haven't worked for, but my kids do certain jobs around the house just because they are a part of a family and because everyone in it has a responsibility. If my kids have something they would like to buy or have, I make separate jobs available to them so that they can EARN money towards what they want. For example, they take out the trash and help clean the house because they HAVE a house and food and that just needs to happen. They get nothing except that as payment, but if they want money, they come to me and ask, "Mom, are there any jobs that need to be done? I would like to buy a game for my Playstation." How much is the game? I ask. "200:-". OK. Go outside and rake the leaves and clean the shower. And he does it and gets 200:-. We don't GIVE any money for nothing because that is not how the world works in reality.
There are puzzled expresions on their faces. There is mumbling. A father speaks up, "To answer your question, YES, it is cultural. Since the 50's children have received money to spend discretionarily and without any demands or work to be done (don't know that I am translating this fairly, but he said "utan prestationskrav på sig"). All swedish children receive that. I felt like an idiot and wondered if my poor kid felt left out, but this is an issue that I refuse to budge on. (I thought to myself) Maybe you get free money here in Sweden, but it didn't work like that in my old neighborhood! For God's sake, I can't remember getting clothes that weren't hand-me-downs until I got my first job at 13 and bought them myself (side note... I even put my new school clothes on lay-away where you pay on them like 3 months and when you have paid for them, you take them home. This was before the credit card craze. When I finally got them out, I realised that I had left my house key in the store dressing room. I shoved the bag of new school clothes under the car and ran in to get the keys. When I got back like 2 minutes later, someone had stolen my new school clothes and my mother didn't have any money to buy me more. I just started school in my old clothes instead. Was a tough lesson. It hurts even now, thinking about it)!!!
So anyway, we finished the long meeting and yes, my butt had fallen alseep in the terrible wooden chair. On the way out, a woman came to me and said, " But of COURSE we shouldn't just give kids money!! When I get home, I am informing my kids that there is no more månadspeng!! They're going to have to WORK for it! That is REAL LIFE! It's so OBVIOUS!"
I was thrilled to get an Amen from a swede on this and I got new confidence and said, How else will our kids learn a work ethic if it doesn't start at home? "SJÄLVKLART! (obviously)" she said.
Would love to be a fly on the wall at some of these parent's houses tonight. Hope my poor son doesn't get harrassed at school by all of his angry friends who now have to work for their money.HAHA!!
Before that though, I managed to get a new antibiotic, so this hangy, yucky feeling (that is not the least bit debilitating so that I would just stay home and rest, but crappy enough to make whatever you are doing feel hard) should finally go away. Was not really comfortable with the thought of an antibiotic not working, though. Am afraid of building a tolerance. Whatever, I should be back to my bitchy self by saturday.;-)
The latest debate:
Paul had a parent/teacher/student meeting today. It was booked to last 2 1/2 hours. 2 1/2 HOURS???? WHYYYYYYY????? I wondered. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, care about their education, want to be involved, but I usually end up just getting annoyed with the other parents who can be bigger crybabies than the kids sometimes.
For example, once I went to a meeting at Paul's old school. Their class got so big that they were forced to divide it into subgroups so that the student/teacher ratio would be lower. In my world, that is a good thing. Most of the kids had had the exact same group and friends since they were 6 yrs old. They would still meet up at gym, breaks and lunch, but during studytime, they would be separated. Who cares?? I thought. But 2 moms just went ballistic and insisted that the groups be exactly the same no matter the ratio because they wanted their kids to not have to build new relationships with other kids. The meeting got so out of control that it took 2 additional negotiations to sort it out. I just scratched my head and wondered why this had blown up like it had? Won't their kids just learn more social competance that way? Don't the parents care more about how active their kids are with the teachers instead of their friends? When I was their age, we had new friends, new teachers every year, sometimes every term. So anyway, this left a very bad taste in my mouth and I left the meeting thinking that I want my kids away from these students because their parents were idiots. There must be something I lost in translation, so I didn't say anything for fear I had missed some piece of the puzzle that would make my opinion seem rediculous, but I did speak with the teacher and told him I felt sorry for them because the students were nice, but the parents were childish idiots and what the heck did I miss in translation? "Nothing," he said. "We could have used your support. It was awful," he said.
That meeting had only lasted an hour. What damage would be done in 2 1/2???
Paul and I show up. His dad joins us. We get fika. The 13 year old girl could not figure out the change I should have gotten back. Fika costed 32:-, I gave her 50:-...was disturbing to say the least. In the end, I gave up and said just give me 15:- and we're cool. Geez...
The meeting went well. We got to know everyone. Had workshops to get to know students, as well as teachers (really good). The teacher introduced himself and said, "Oh yes, I saw you in DN." I replied jokingly, "Only believe half of what you read." He laughed. We moved on.
The meeting continued to be fruitful and interesting, but one question came up which intrigued me. The question was, Should one have weekly allowance (veckopeng) or a monthly one (månadspeng)? Everyone agreed that it didn't make a difference. I got confused and raised my hand:
"Excuse me. I have a question about this topic and I would like to know how this works. I might think differently due to cultural reasons or it could be the fact that I have never gotten a kronor in my entire life that I haven't worked for, but my kids do certain jobs around the house just because they are a part of a family and because everyone in it has a responsibility. If my kids have something they would like to buy or have, I make separate jobs available to them so that they can EARN money towards what they want. For example, they take out the trash and help clean the house because they HAVE a house and food and that just needs to happen. They get nothing except that as payment, but if they want money, they come to me and ask, "Mom, are there any jobs that need to be done? I would like to buy a game for my Playstation." How much is the game? I ask. "200:-". OK. Go outside and rake the leaves and clean the shower. And he does it and gets 200:-. We don't GIVE any money for nothing because that is not how the world works in reality.
There are puzzled expresions on their faces. There is mumbling. A father speaks up, "To answer your question, YES, it is cultural. Since the 50's children have received money to spend discretionarily and without any demands or work to be done (don't know that I am translating this fairly, but he said "utan prestationskrav på sig"). All swedish children receive that. I felt like an idiot and wondered if my poor kid felt left out, but this is an issue that I refuse to budge on. (I thought to myself) Maybe you get free money here in Sweden, but it didn't work like that in my old neighborhood! For God's sake, I can't remember getting clothes that weren't hand-me-downs until I got my first job at 13 and bought them myself (side note... I even put my new school clothes on lay-away where you pay on them like 3 months and when you have paid for them, you take them home. This was before the credit card craze. When I finally got them out, I realised that I had left my house key in the store dressing room. I shoved the bag of new school clothes under the car and ran in to get the keys. When I got back like 2 minutes later, someone had stolen my new school clothes and my mother didn't have any money to buy me more. I just started school in my old clothes instead. Was a tough lesson. It hurts even now, thinking about it)!!!
So anyway, we finished the long meeting and yes, my butt had fallen alseep in the terrible wooden chair. On the way out, a woman came to me and said, " But of COURSE we shouldn't just give kids money!! When I get home, I am informing my kids that there is no more månadspeng!! They're going to have to WORK for it! That is REAL LIFE! It's so OBVIOUS!"
I was thrilled to get an Amen from a swede on this and I got new confidence and said, How else will our kids learn a work ethic if it doesn't start at home? "SJÄLVKLART! (obviously)" she said.
Would love to be a fly on the wall at some of these parent's houses tonight. Hope my poor son doesn't get harrassed at school by all of his angry friends who now have to work for their money.HAHA!!
Kommentarer
Postat av: Ewis
Så glad att jag hittat din blogg!
Jag hör din glada röst när jag läser den och jag hurrade nästan när jag läste detta inlägg. Som lärare kan jag bara hålla med om att en del föräldrar är "crybabies". Har upplevt just den problematiken du beskriver. Hur ska vi få barnen att förstå hur viktig utbildningen är för dem om deras föräldrar oroar sig mer över vilka kompisar som sitter bredvid dem i klassrummet än att de får en god inlärningsmiljö?!
Angående vecko/månadspengen: rätt tänk! Hoppas denna idé sprider sig så kanske vi får fler ansvarsfulla ungdomar som förstår pengars värde och inte slösar bort sina surt förvärvade slantar på energidrycker och godis som gör dem speedade och oemottagliga för undervisningen.
Postat av: Lotta Nyström
Du har så rätt i det du skriver, om vikten av att tjäna ihop sin egen slant.
Minns mitt första sommarjobb och lönen jag fick hämta ut efter den. Var en härlig känsla!!!!!
Fortsättt du att göra det som känns rätt för dig och dina barn. Du är inte bara en fantastisk människa utan ett bra föredömme för alla mammor!
Kanske vi ses på lördag i Strängnäs. Kram på dig gumman. Från vännen Lotta.
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