melissawilliams

It was so nice to come home, take off all of my tight clothes, take out the contact linses, put on the long underwear, face cream and a weird piece of tape I bought at the pharmacy to prevent a cold sore from coming on and just chill!  I made shrimp linguini with cherry tomatoes, white wine and lemon sauce and have just relaxed and laughed with Lillen and dreamed about Christmas with the kids in a warmer climate.  The kids have begged for this trip for 2 years and I have fixed a house sitter to hang out here while we're gone.

The week leading up to the Finale was unusually quiet.  Just a couple of interviews and a bit of Christmas shopping before.  There were several people who have been a part of the well-oiled machine that DBK has been for me.  Maria in Titanix has grown and Maria in Blender has shined.  Torgny Melins has gone from my least favvo band to one who has earned quite a bit of respect from me due to their sheer respect for their audience and humility.  Zekes have perhaps earned even a younger audience than what Scotts did and that is beneficial, not only for swedish culture and it's young people, but also for dansband as a whole.  Date tasted the sweetest of revansches and Playtones....The Playtones took a classic concept, made it their own and in the most honest, beautiful way made it accessible to the masses.  They were absolutely brilliant! 

They.Deserved.To.Win!

In the first round of the evening, all of the bands played their favorite song.  I loved Titanix and The Playtones the best and was thus assigned to give the reasons as to why THEY were so great...not thast particular number.  I was the first one out to say why Titanix was so great...as a whole.  I read on Nystås's blog where he siad tha Titanix's performance perhaps didn't deserve tears.  I will be honest and say that Gråt Inga Tårar in their version was not my favvo Titanix song in 6 weeks.  I am still moved by Anne-lie Rydé's version at the Guldklaven last summer.  She took it way down to a level where you heard every single tear the songwriter shed while writing this song.  I was not a major Rydé fan before, but she moved me that night and a fast, unemotional version of that song now rolls off of me like water on a beaver's back.  What I was moved most by was having worked with Maria for several years, always wondering why they weren't bigger than they were and then seeing the answer and fulfillment of everything that apparently was missing before, unfold before my very eyes.  What was missing, you might ask?  I could never put my finger on it before, but now that I have watched it unfold these last 6 weeks, I THINK I have an idea.  It could be as simple as this:

They didn't believe in their soul that they were worthy of it.

There is a divine principle in life that says that your visions of what you are worth and can achieve is and will be your reality.  They perhaps never believed on a spiritual level that they were worth so much attention (which is a common them in the lack of self esteem and confidence that runs rampant within the dansband industry).  That changed from program to program and every week they got a little bit more confidence and feedback and their own sense of worth grew.  THAT is what got me all choked up and I swear to you that every time I see this much  growth in a band or a human being or a hampster, I will ALWAYS be moved to tears when I see it.  Since my own walk in this life has dealt with understanding my own worth and value, professionally and in my relationships, seeing someone else grow parallel to me is exciting and worth tears and acknowledgment...in my world anyway.

The next round, there were 4 bands: Playtones, Torgny Melins, Titanix and Zekes.  They represented well so many different aspects of the dansband genre and actually, THAT was my whole point when I took this job in the first place: that people would appreciate the many aspects and styles of Dansband and thus would give more space to new sounds, looks, and impressions as long as the music was dansable and put together lovingly with the AUDIENCE prioritised before their own ambitions.

The People voted and despite my belief that Torgny Melins and The Playtones would duke it out at the end, Titanix surprisingly took a lead and I was THRILLED!  ...but mostly surprised!  Now the game was on, for REAL!

The audience was the only one who had an opinion in this last round and I believed all along that The Playtones would win and they did, but quite honestly, all of the finalists were winners.  I was so proud of them all and so humbled to have seen the growth of all of them, program by program.  There are many from this season
 that we will be seeing more of in the future.  It is in the best interest of the audience, as well as the bands, if people dare to give new bands a chance instead of just visiting the old and comfortable choices, but I (of course) understand if finances stand in the way of making "bad risks", but if you have the means and time, check out Sweetshots, Shame, Mannerz...so many wonderful bands that are daring to penetrate  in a market that is not the easiest to grow roots in.

In fact, nothing has ever been more rewarding to me than lifting up and encouraging my colleagues to go to the next level!  I promise you, it is more satisfying than succeeding yourself and that is something that we ALL can incorporate into our lives!

It has been my utmost priviledge to be chosen to be a member of DBK's 2009 jury.  Thomas is a beautiful soul and our relationship is one that most people could learn from, if I may be so bold as to say.  Most people (or many) equate people who do not think as they do, sound like they do or look like they do as being worthy of their opinion and immediately condemn or tear them apart.  I have seen and felt the sting of this myself, but mature, enlightened, educated people respectfully disagree with one another without declaring Jihad on their fellow human being.  Thomas and I disagree ALOT, but laugh and enjoy each other like crazy (if I may be so bold as to speak for myself)...anyway!  He is, behind his conservative exterior, an amazing human being and I am a better person having had the opportunity of getting to know him better.  Magnus and I don't always agree either, but the sense of loss I feel knowing that I will not meet him again next saturday is tangible already. 

There are so many people, so different than myself, who have challenged and made me the person that I am today and without them, I would be a little less tolerant...and alot less loving to my fellow men.

To those who have supported me, I give you my heartfelt thanks.  To those who have not understood me or agreed with me, but not been disrespectful, unkind and treated me with common decensy and respect ANYWAY,  I thank you for your open mind and heart. To those who have felt threatened or disagreed with me or who simple think I am a giant, dark, opinionated asshole, I say this:  I respect YOUR right to disagree with me.  We live in a democratic world and no one can expect respect for their differences if they do not respect the differences in others as well. 

I understand that I am different...in so many ways, but at the same time I am so unbeliveably normal.    I am educated for singing, not tv, but despite my awkwardness, I have ALWAYS spoken from my heart.  I have always spoken the truth (as I see it) and have been willing to accept responsibility for everything I have said or done.  For better or worse. Svt  has never asked me to be anything other than myself and I have always been true to myself and I am proud of myself for that. 

Is it wrong to be honest about your emotions?  There are many swedish people who violently express their emotions on blogs and websites, but would never dream of complaining if you got fisk for dinner when  you actually ordered steak.  Why is it so easy  to exagerrate and be grossly unkind on the internet when you are not consistent in everyday life?  Instead of being angry and envious about someone else who enjoys the freedom of being authentic to themselves, why not be authentic to YOURSELF and (whether you agree or not) respect another's attempt to be their "authentic selves"?  Why is it so much easier to be pissed off about someone else's growth and not take responsibility for your own?  To be very honest with you, we Americans are so used to being around "unusual" people or people who are grossly different from ourselves that we don't get as worked up or angry as I experience here in Sweden, despite our horrible racist past.  We are not the poster-children of equality by any stretch of the imagination, but this "lagom", "jantelagen" expectation does not have as deep of roots in the states as I have experienced here.

Let's open our minds, our expectations.  Let's be more tolerant of different people and cultures and MOSTLY opinions.  Sweden would be the happy, confident country it displays for the world in a very honest and real way if that were the case.

I have grown alot these last 9 weeks. Have you?

My paradigms have been expanded.  Have yours?

I am a new, better person than I was 3 months ago.  Are You?

...and I frankly, have you to thank for that.

I can't wait to meet the guys in Zlips again!  I thank Per and his family for helping us all out during the fall and I REALLY look forward to singing again and meeting my friends from all over Sweden.